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Books by Tom Holt

  • An Orc on the Wild Side

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: BZLKM
    Paperback
    An Orc on the Wild Side is the latest comic masterpiece from one of the funniest writers in fantasy. WINTER IS COMING, SO WHY NOT GET AWAY FROM IT ALL? Being the Dark Lord and Prince of Evil is not as much fun as it sounds, particularly if you are a basically decent person. King Mordak is just such a person. Technically he's more goblin than person, but the point is that he is really keen to be a lot less despicable than his predecessors. Not that the other goblins appreciate Mordak's attempts to redefine the role. Why should they when his new healthcare program seems designed to actually extend life expectancy, and his efforts to end a perfectly reasonable war with the dwarves appear to have become an obsession? With confidence in his leadership crumbling, what Mordak desperately needs is a distraction. Perhaps some of these humans moving to the Realm in search of great homes at an affordable price will be able to help? Praise for Tom Holt 'Uniquely twisted . . . cracking gags' Guardian 'Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' SFX 'Clever, funny, tirelessly inventive' Christopher Moore
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  • The Management Style of the Supreme Beings

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: BDPYA
    Paperback
    When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them any more, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them, it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place. Unfortunately, the sudden disappearance of right and wrong, while welcomed by some, raises certain concerns amongst those still attached to the previous team's management style. In particular, there's one of the old gods who didn't move out with the others. A reclusive chap, he lives somewhere up north, and only a handful even believe in him. But he's watching. And he really does need to know if you've been naughty or nice.
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  • The Good, the Bad and the Smug

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: AOKVI
    Paperback
    New Evil. Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR. Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet. Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it.
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  • The Outsorcerer's Apprentice

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: AKJQU
    Paperback
    A happy workforce is a productive workforce. At the moment, the Wizard's employees are neither. The goblins are upset with their working conditions, the dragonslayer has thrown a hissy fit over his medical insurance (or lack thereof) and everyone is upset about the terrible canteen coffee. Yet the Wizard hasn't got time to worry about revolution in the workplace - he's about to see his brilliant business plan (based on entrepreneurial flair and involving one or two parallel worlds) disrupted by a clueless young man. Side effects may include a huge hole in the fabric of reality. This is almost certainly going to be a bad day at the office.
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  • When it's Ajar

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: AIMKQ
    Paperback
    Maurice has just killed a dragon with a breadknife. And had his destiny foretold ...and had his true love spirited away. That's precisely the sort of stuff that'd bring out the latent heroism in anyone. Unfortunately, Maurice is pretty sure he hasn't got any latent heroism. Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking). He can't get out, of course, but neither can he remember his name, or what gravity is, or what those things on the ends on his legs are called ...and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. Forget everything. Only one thing might help him. The answer to the most baffling question of all. WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR?
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  • Doughnut

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: AGDSM
    Paperback
    The doughnut is a thing of beauty. A circle of fried doughy perfection. A source of comfort in trying times, perhaps. For Theo Bernstein, however, it is far, far more. Things have been going pretty badly for Theo Bernstein. An unfortunate accident at work lost him his job (and his work involved a Very Very Large Hadron Collider, so he's unlikely to get it back). His wife has left him. And he doesn't have any money. Before Theo has time to fully appreciate the pointlessness of his own existence, news arrives that his good friend Professor Pieter van Goyen, renowned physicist and Nobel laureate, has died. By leaving the apparently worthless contents of his safety deposit to Theo, however, the professor has set him on a quest of epic proportions. A journey that will rewrite the laws of physics. A battle to save humanity itself. This is the tale of a man who had nothing and gave it all up to find his destiny - and a doughnut.
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  • Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: AELWW
    Paperback
    Polly, an average, completely ordinary property lawyer, is convinced she's losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's. And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out.
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  • Snow White and the Seven Samurai

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: ACHJJ
    Paperback
    Once upon a time (or last Thursday, as it's known in this matrix) everything was fine: Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul. But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system (mirrors 3.1) and corrupted her database - and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we? Computers and fairy tales collide to hilarious effect in the latest sparkling cocktail of mayhem, wit and wonder from the master of comic fantasy. More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web- site at www orbitbooks.co.uk
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  • You Don't Have to be Evil to Work Here, But it Helps

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: ACHJC
    Paperback
    Colin Hollinghead is a young man going nowhere fast. Working for his dad might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but starting at the bottom in the widget-making industry has somehow lost its appeal. And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things round - a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail - and the old rogue certainly seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help. Sparkling with wit and oozing charm, Tom Holt's new comic caper will delight his readers and prove once and for all that going to work can actually be hell. And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things round - a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail - and the old rogue certainly seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help. Sparkling with wit and oozing charm, Tom Holt's new comic caper will delight his readers and prove once and for all that going to work can actually be hell.
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  • The Portable Door

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: ACHIY
    Paperback
    Starting a new job is always stressful (especially when you don't particularly want one), but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of H.W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organisation that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins. Mister Tom Holt, Master of the Comic Fantasy Novel, cordially invites you to join him in his world of madness by reading his next hilarious masterpiece.
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  • Divine Comedies

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: ACHIW
    Paperback
    HERE COMES THE SUN The sun rises late, dirty and so badly in need of a service it's a wonder it gets up at all. The moon's going to be scrapped soon and a new one commissioned - but they've been saying that for years ...All is not well with the universe, and it's because the mortals are running the show. It's time for a Higher Power to take charge ...ODDS AND GODS It's a god's life at the Sunnyvoyde Residential Home for retired deities. Everlasting life can be a real drag when all you've got to look forward to is cauliflower cheese on Wednesdays. But things are about to change, because those almighty duffers Thor, Odin and Frey have restored a thousand-year-old traction engine ...and the thing actually works. Then there's Osiris, preparing to set out on a quest that will test his wheelchair to the very limits. Only one thing might save the world. Dentures.
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  • Nothing But Blue Skies

    Tom Holt

    Product Code: ACHIT
    Paperback
    There are very many reasons why British summers are either non-existent or, alternatively, held on a Thursday. Many of these reasons are either scientific, dull, or both - but all of them are wrong, especially the scientific ones. The real reason why it rains perpetually from January 1st to December 31st (incl.) is, of course, irritable Chinese Water Dragons. Karen is one such legendary creature. Ancient, noble, near-indestructible and, for a number of wildly improbable reasons, working as an estate-agent, Karen is irritable quite a lot of the time. Hence Wimbledon. But now things have changed and Karen's no longer irritable. She's FURIOUS. More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit website at www orbitbooks.co.uk
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